In The Mood For Food

A Quick Bite…

I Miss Whole Foods

Yes, Whole Foods can be overrated and overpriced but the one thing I could not take away from them is their hot bar. Whole Foods had the best hot bar in the DMV. They always offered a variety of foods from American cuisine to Mediterranean eats. I also fell in love with Belvoir Elderflower Lemonade. Lemonade is my favorite drink. It tasted like a fizzy lemonade with the essence of elderflower. It reminded me of the times my mother would make me and my brother pick dandelions for her homemade dandelion wine. I still see the plastic grocery bag in my tiny hands as I walked the yard picking weeds from the grass. 

When the pandemic allows it, I look forward to standing over the hot bar pondering over the many options to choose from.

In The Mood For Food

Food & Restaurant Review

Farewell 

406 H street

Washington, DC 20002

It’s been scientifically proven that the food we eat can affect our mental health. I’ve been trying to eat healthier and get more vegetables in my diet by being plant based. Burger King had been in the news for introducing the impossible whopper made from plant based ingredients. Traveling in the city, I passed a local shop called Farewell and decided to try something new. (This was before Covid 19) The inside of the restaurant gave me the feel of walking into a boutique cafe diner. I wasn’t dining in for dinner. It was my Friday and I wanted to get out of my work clothes soon as possible. I ordered take out and got the Beyond Burger with mushroom “bacon” with tomato, lettuce and caramelized onions with a side of garlic aoil. The patty texture was a mixture between ground pork and the flakiness of fish. The “bacon” actually tasted and felt like crispy pork bacon.

It tasted really good.  The patty was a regular size but for over $18 bucks they should have offered double “meat”. That’s my beef with vegan restaurants.(Pun intended.) They’re a little expensive but it’s understandable why they are priced that high. Ground beef is plentiful. I could get the same size patty in meat form at McDonald for less than $3 dollars. It didn’t even include a side order. 

Would I go there again? Yes but on someone else’s dime. Farewell is a nice experience for someone who wants to try something new for Sunday afternoon lunch. Unfortunately the dining area is closed due to the coronavirus. As we move to the next phase of the pandemic, I will consider Farewell a place I can guilt a coworker into buying me lunch.

Christian Faith, Esoteric Beliefs, and the Law of Attraction

Part 1

As I stated before I am christian and raised in the baptist church. For most of us who are raised in the church, especially the black church, we are taught that anything taught outside the Bible was not of God. It was the devil. The journey with mental health struggles and the testing of my faith has led me to a lot of questions in life. 

When I discovered the Law of Attraction, it led me to reexamine my thinking about how I viewed my life and myself. The key aspect of the law of attraction is if you believe it you can think what you want into existence. This would deter some christians because they think it would eliminate the need for God. Christains would fear that people would think why would they need to pray to God for anything when I could just manifest it themself. Law of attraction sometimes played into materialistic aspects. Money is naturally the first thing people would want to attract. There are dozens of youtube videos on how to attract winning the lottery with millions of views. I understand why the average Christian would be turned off by this teaching. 

I have seen some Christian law of attraction teachers who use the Bible to teach other how to attract. Angels with Fran tv is a good example of someone using Christian teaching.Most youtubers who teach law of attraction use non religious aspects to apply to everyone. They use terms such as source, the universe or higher power.

I believe the basic premise of the law of attraction has truth to it no matter your religious belief. You eventually manifest what you believe. Sometimes it’s not even a mythical energy that pulls you to your manifestation. Your belief system shapes what you practice. For example a girl may not bother to study because she believes she is not smart enough to pass her class. Her belief of her not being smart causes the action of her not studying. The result of this is failing the class. 

So God doesn’t want me to be rich?

Wanting worldly wealth…

I was taught that God will humble the rich proud man and uplift the humbled poor man. Stories and parables about rich men not getting in the kingdom of heaven while the poor would be uplifted is a constant theme.I think most people gloss over an underlying message. In life I have met humbled successful people and rude poor people. It’s okay to want success but money should never be your focus. God is your focus and your source. 

Psalm 37:4 

Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

Psalm 21:2

You have granted his heart’s desire and have not withheld the request of his lips.

Isaiah 58:14

…then you will delight yourself in the LORD, and I will make you ride on the heights of the land and feed you with the heritage of your father Jacob.” For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.

Matthew 6:19-20

 Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.

I believe God does not have a problem with wanting to be successful but what are your intentions with your wealth? Will you use it to help others? Is money defining who you are as a person? Is money your source or God? Who are you putting first? Who are you serving? 

BELIEF SYSTEMS

I wasn’t aware of my belief system until I started watching videos on Leeor Alexandra and Dr. Joe Dispenza. My belief system was built around my bad experiences. Because people treated me badly, I believed it was my fault for their treatment and that my life would always be that way. I believed I didn’t deserve my desires because I felt unworthy.  Because I had struggled so long with my mental health, I believed it would always be that way. 

I am a black christian and my history with the baptist church has shaped how I viewed faith. Most traditional christian churches teach humility to an extreme. I was taught I am a lowly worm undeserving of any mercy but because Christ is so merciful, I am redeemed. This kind of teaching is not healthy for someone who already had poor self image. Because of this teaching I never felt like I belong in the church. I always felt like I was unworthy in God’s eyes. I agree that humans are definitely flawed. God is merciful but God deems us worthy even when man says we are not. I came to an epiphany that God would not bless someone he would not deem worthy. The mistake I would constantly make was the way I would start off my prayers.

Dear God,

I know I am not worthy but I need…

I am basically saying “I know I don’t deserve it but please give it to me anyway.” Would go up to your boss and say “I know I don’t deserve a promotion and there are so many people better than me but could you give it to me anyway.” 

Yes we are to humble ourselves before God but shouldn’t degrade ourselves. 

For many years I thought God wanted me to suffer because he never “cured” me of my depression. He never asked my prayers for the things I wanted in life. Looking back I am glad he didn’t fix me immediately. 

We ask God to cure the symptoms but we never point God to the source of our ailments. It’s like getting nasal spray for a congested nose but not getting medicine for the virus that is causing the symptom. I believe that why many people struggle with addiction. Addiction is sometimes a symptom for underlying issues people don’t want to face. I have a friend who struggles with  drug addiction that stems from childhood abuse. If God was to take away the urge for the drugs she would replace it with something else to numb the pain. She would never face what caused her to use the drugs in the first place. 

The depression and anxiety was just a symptom of a larger problem I was facing. I had repressed memories of sexual abuse that would later worsen as I got older. If God was to bless me with my dreams coming true of my chosen career or husband I would never be able to handle the blessing. Thinking all the rich and famous people who have their dream come true but are not mentally stable enough to handle massive success because of underlying mental health conditions. 

For many years I believed God doesn’t answer my prayers but my journey in my mental health has taught me different. The question isn’t will He answer my prayer but am I asking for the right thing and am I ready for it?

Self Esteem & Self Worthiness

You can do anything you set your mind to if you just believe… 

No seriously you can!

Currently, I don’t have really high self esteem but I would count it as fair. As someone with a “rock bottom looking up” type of self esteem, I can now say I am better due to positive affirmations. Positive affirmations in the morning sets your intentions for the day and builds self esteem. 

The first affirmation I say before all my positive self esteem affirmation is MY WORDS AND THOUGHTS ARE POWERFUL. I THINK AND SPEAK MY TRUTH AND EXISTENCE TO LIFE!

I had suffered from negative thought patterns. I would go on a continuous loop of negative thoughts, replay bad moments in life or create negative scenarios that hadn’t happen.I would do this consistently throughout the day and wallow in how bad these thoughts were making me feel. I was unintentionally manifesting a worser environment. Saying out loud my words and thoughts are powerful makes me conscious of what I am thinking and speaking. (Speaking and thinking negativity don’t automatically make a manifestation appear. It takes some time for what you speak to manifest. You have time to re correct yourself and develop a new habit.)

I BELIEVE LOVE AND ACCEPT MYSELF

I LOVE AND ACCEPT MYSELF

I BELIEVE I VALUE MYSELF

I VALUE MYSELF

I put “believe” because I have spoken I love and accept myself but I didn’t believe it. I had to reprogram my belief system by stating new beliefs. Youtube has great positive affirmation videos. I recommend Leeor Alexandra’s positive affirmation. Over time you will customize your own positive affirmation to fit your goals. 

Identity Crisis

“Maybe I don’t want to be well! Maybe I don’t want to get better!”

I had admitted it to my therapist one session. After a few failed attempts of setting mental health goals that would give me stability, it had become clear to me that a large part of me did not want to heal. I was a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). I have depression and dissociation. My whole life had centered around who I was a mental health patient. I didn’t have time to finish my education, start a dream career or date. All my energy and attention went to the battle for my mental health. It was my reason but it became my excuse and my copout. If I could snap my fingers and take away all my mental health issues I would lose my identity. I AM A MENTAL HEALTH PATIENT! On the outside I would be ashamed of my mental health status but inside I wouldn’t give it up. It was all I had. 

Creating A New Identity

What is a personality? 

Oxford Language defines personality as the combination of characteristics or qualities that form an individual’s distinctive character.

The gray matters way  of creating a new identity is not throwing away the mental health patient title but shrinking it as you amplify other qualities. 

Personality Traits Example

Funny Shy Introvert Extrovert Ambivert Outspoken Conservative Reserve Liberal

Think about how you interact with others verses when you’re alone. Are you outspoken or more reserved and why? Do you want to change and why? Is this a positive or negative reason for keeping or changing your traits. 

I am a reserved introvert with a dry wit. Being a loner and low self esteem lead me to be a more introverted person but as I got older I was given the opportunity to be more outgoing due to people inviting me to events. Even though I had strengthened my self esteem and had more opportunities to be outgoing and extroverted, I felt more natural being  an introverted because people drain me. I always thought that my low self esteem prevented me from liking clubs.  I went to a party, bar and a comedy club. I didn’t like it.  I also didn’t like being around loud noise or groups. If I did go out I would prefer a museum, zoo, the movies or a quiet restaurant. 

I fully accepted my introvert status and have read up what that means and to reserve my energy. Being an introvert has also caused me to be more attentive in taking care of my mental health.

Hobbies

Activities not only are good for mental health but they can build your identity. I have decided to start taking martial arts. At first I struggled because it triggered my insecurities.  I doubted my own capability. I would never take up a new hobby because I didn’t think I was smart enough to comprehend the lessons. Being a beginner in martial arts, I became even more aware of my physical weakness. I never stood up for myself because I couldn’t verbally or physically fight back. I’ve never been in a fight. I always submitted and bowed down to anyone who would even glare in my direction. Taking martial arts class has given me something outside of myself I could focus on but has also strengthened my confidence in my own abilities. 

Ask yourself what do I have to focus on outside of my inner issues.

What is Grey?

As a child I had low self esteem from sexual abuse and school bullying. In order to cope with insults I face everyday, I would insult myself before classmates would have their turn. I thought if I verbally abused myself enough that when they would have their turn I would be numb to their insults. You can’t really hurt someone who has a hardened scar from years of self flagellation. (Ironically I would develop another harmful habit-self harm by cutting) I had replaced the bullies by becoming my own bully. I stopped myself from participating in school activities that would help me develop a sense of self. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself or my “imperfections”. Any hurt I had I would conceal or get punished for crying out for help. The sexual abuse caused me to silence myself in fear of no one believing me. I had to develop my own support system.

Darkness vs The  Light

The light is “good”. The light is happiness, health and stability. The darkness is turmoil, instability, and unhealthy coping skills. Trauma can force us into a dark cave. The darkness can become a security blanket. Unhealthy behaviors, negative thought processes and sometimes the trauma itself is the new norm that we adapt to cope. This is the reason some people develop Stockholm syndrome to their abusers or situations. For example someone who grew up in a household with drug addicted parents may subsciously seekout partners with a drug dependency because that is the environment they are accustomed to living in. Trauma survivors can also develop a dissociative identity disorder or multiple personality disorder. They create new personalities to function. 

The “healthy” goal is to remove people out of the darkness and into the light without consideration that the darkness has become a bandaid that has fused into the skin as a protective layer. You would go into shock if someone was to rip the melted in plastic. The act would take a layer of skin off. It would be damaging. I came to an epiphany in my journey of healing that the darkness is not a healthy place to live but the light burns. I decided to live in the gray for now.